Shy bladder before a trip: my two months to get ready

In two months I’m off to Lisbon with a few friends, and I turn 18 before then. I should be excited. Mostly I’m counting days, because I have a severe shy bladder and it hasn’t gone anywhere.

At home I can only go if I lock the door and cover my ears, and only when my parents are around less. On family trips I’ve held it for a full day and more, more than once. Somewhere around hour twenty I honestly wondered how much more my body could take. The mood at home is tense too, and I think that plays a part.

The two-month plan

I’m treating these weeks like a job. I’ve read that holding your breath can break the block, but it makes me anxious and I can’t manage it for long yet.

Here’s what I’ve pieced together. It only works when I’m fairly calm, and I only get calm by practising in small steps. So when I’m alone and really need to go, I stand at the toilet, breathe out about half, and hold until I badly want air. Then I think about the bladder letting go. I only do it steady on my feet, never near driving or water, and I’d see a doctor first with any heart or breathing trouble.

I’ve also realised that practising with a weak urge teaches me nothing, so I wait until the need is strong. Once it works at home, I’ll try easy bathrooms in town, which is basically graduated exposure. Peeing in a closed stall still counts as a win.

I keep thinking about telling one friend before the trip. Hiding it takes more energy than saying it would, and it would ease the pressure if I had to skip a stop. I also want to look into a support group and therapy, since sharing a flat at university in September is what scares me most.

Right now I still can’t hold my breath for long, and I still can’t go with anyone home. That’s where I am.