Drug test shy bladder: I walked out and now I'm waiting

I spent most of last year looking for work that paid more than retail. A friend put in a word, I got an offer, and for about a day I felt like my life had turned a corner. The only thing left was a drug test.

I’ve had shy bladder since I was twelve or so. I never told the hiring manager. It’s not something I want to explain to a stranger in HR, and I told myself there must be a workaround for people like me, so I didn’t call ahead or look into it.

The clinic smelled of hand sanitiser and the air conditioning was too cold. I stood in the little restroom with the cup and nothing happened. I can’t pee when someone is waiting outside the door, and this was that times ten. The staff said my only option was to sit in a separate room for three hours and try again. I knew that wouldn’t work, because the more I’m watched and timed, the tighter everything gets. I also had a shift starting soon.

Walking out

So I panicked and left. Apparently that counts as an automatic fail. I sat in my car with the engine off and felt sick. I’ve never taken drugs. I don’t even drink. And I might lose a job worth nearly fifty grand a year over a cup.

I tried to find the urologist who first told me what I had, hoping for a note. He’s retired, and nobody could say where he went.

Since then I’ve heard that I should have disclosed it upfront, and that it may count as a disability I can ask to be accommodated for. Someone from a paruresis organisation even offered to write me a letter of support. I wish I’d known all that before I walked into that clinic.

Now I wait

I’ve asked the company to accommodate me, and they said they’d let me know tomorrow morning. So tonight I’m at the kitchen table, checking my phone more than I need to and trying not to picture the offer disappearing. I honestly don’t know which way it will go.